Letting Papa Go

Today a friend came by the house and told me his grandfather was going to a nursing home. He said the thought of it is tearing him up but he knows it is in Papa's best interest. The old guy has quit taking his meds, won't bathe, and won't eat. I think the last straw was when Papa parked his scooter in the middle of the highway and wouldn't move. The sheriff had to come out and move him (Papa in the road on a scooter....that's the kind of stuff you see in the movies only this was for real and not so funny).

After all this, the friend said "I can't fight the ___. They're going to put him in a nursing home."
Several things went through my mind like can anyone convince him to change his behavior so he can stay home? Who reported the incidents? How did they know he wasn't taking his meds? (blood tests). I thought how much stress must be on my friend and his family trying to keep "Papa" safe and "they" putting Papa in a nursing home wasn't a bad guy stepping in but someone coming in and saying this situation isn't safe and we need to step in.

The big question is when you make a promise to keep an elder home when do you say 'Enough, I can't do it anymore' without feeling like you are betraying him or her? How do you finally say 'I need help' without feeling like a failure?

In my friend's case I am on the outside and I can see how some intervention is called for; however the view for my friend is not so clear.

I am a devil's advocate. I can't help myself. I try to look at both sides of an argument and recognize the other person's side of the story. I see the pain and helplessness on the friend's face. I also know how hard it is to care for someone. As a nurse 12 hours caring for a person can be exhausting especially when the person has some form of dementia but I get to go home. How hard it must be to do it all day and night and with no escape. ....and how difficult it must be when there is no one else to come in and take over, no night shift, no one to give you a coffee break.

Well, I guess I will keep them all in my prayers; my friend for the helpless feeling, Papa for wanting to be independent and not doing a good job at it, and the folks where he is going where he will be treated with care and respect...and keep him out of the road.

Post by Eileen